Traumen und Wunchen....
Somebody's big fat Indian wedding...
Its weird enough to be attending the wedding of someone you dont know. Its even more weird tobe hanging to your "saasu maa's" pallu all thru the wedding.Boy I dont want to list out the number of weird things related to me ...the idea is to talk aboutthe wedding in general.So here it goes ...
Indian wedding -- so what does that translate to ? A lot of colors, big fat round aunties all cladin silk sarees while their stinky , nose digging children are running around like little rats ina maze! Most of these aunties barely have absolutely no idea of who the bride and the groom are......they are here to arrange a little rendezvous for their own son/daughter/nephew/niece/cousin/neighbours daughter/uncle's friends grandmothers sisters brother....... The perfect occasion to be lookingaround for gullible young things..."oh doesnt she look pretty...jus perfect for XYZ" --(notice aunty hasnt spoken to pretty thing, has no idea whether this pretty "thing" is infact aliveand kicking or is a manequin to b hung in stores) All aunty knows is that she is looking out fora well dressed, good looking girl.(God, I cant thank you enough for having rescued me from all this!!)Then there are those aunties who are just not satisfied by "looking" at PYT (pretty yound things)..they need to have a conversation - helo beta....how are u ? fine aunty ...(errr do i know u?) so, there is this guy who is my sister's husband's cousin's best friend's brother's uncle who is about marraiageable age....he is very smart...blah blah Err...(SOOOOOO ? Is there any neon sign over my head sayin i am desperate to get married ?) What have you done beta ? XYZ has done his diploma from Ramkrishna society for the dyslexic....he is working as a computer hardware repair man... Aunty, I have done my engg from the IIT's and am planning to do my MBA from the IIM. Oooh that is so gr8 ...u did u engg in computers, right ? XYZ also has done his diploma in computers. Now a days its sooo imp for couples to be from the same field,isnt it ? (grins at PYT - she finally got the pronounciation right this time) PYT has totally lost her senses by now, and excuses herself coz she needs to stop herself from fainting !!! Then there are all the rituals going around. The swami (or so he is called - and u seriously wonderwhy on earth they call him that....his unshaven beard, blood shot eyes, dhoti that was washed in the last century make him look like a criminal just escaped from Tihar jail) is holding the mic, screaming out something , am sure even he has no idea of what exactly he is reciting.He tries to be fast with the "shlokas" as possible, before someone realizes that he isnt saying -" pati devo bhava..." instead, he is saying "paise devoo bhava..."They make some 25 million women put the kumkum on the bride, until they have managed to make the bride look like she is the victim of a hit and run accident !!! (most of the cases, the bride actually is the victim , she has no clue what had hit her until she hears the screaming and screeching of a baby in her arms!!!!)
Erstwhile, you can not ignore the fat, round, bald uncles of the fat, round, silk sari clad auntieswho are filling their plates like they were told the world was coming to an end tomorrow. They mustbe the happiest souls in that god forsaken place..they dont care whats going around them , dont want to know where all the people around them are running - even if it means they are running out coz there is a fire at the place !! They have bigger priorities in life -- like finishing all the food on their plate !! These uncles whom you overhear telling little kiddies "stay away from too much ice cream, u will have cavities.." need to stuff every inch of the empty space in their bodies with free ice cream !!! If they had an option, they would have stuffed the void up in their head also with free food !!!!
Then you simply can not ignore the band ! Aaaah the band waala's....they play as if their guru was the devil himself. They were taught to slap the drums like they were the cheeks of an enemy, and to blow the trumpet like they were blowing their noses !!!
Additions coming up ......
Indian wedding -- so what does that translate to ? A lot of colors, big fat round aunties all cladin silk sarees while their stinky , nose digging children are running around like little rats ina maze! Most of these aunties barely have absolutely no idea of who the bride and the groom are......they are here to arrange a little rendezvous for their own son/daughter/nephew/niece/cousin/neighbours daughter/uncle's friends grandmothers sisters brother....... The perfect occasion to be lookingaround for gullible young things..."oh doesnt she look pretty...jus perfect for XYZ" --(notice aunty hasnt spoken to pretty thing, has no idea whether this pretty "thing" is infact aliveand kicking or is a manequin to b hung in stores) All aunty knows is that she is looking out fora well dressed, good looking girl.(God, I cant thank you enough for having rescued me from all this!!)Then there are those aunties who are just not satisfied by "looking" at PYT (pretty yound things)..they need to have a conversation - helo beta....how are u ? fine aunty ...(errr do i know u?) so, there is this guy who is my sister's husband's cousin's best friend's brother's uncle who is about marraiageable age....he is very smart...blah blah Err...(SOOOOOO ? Is there any neon sign over my head sayin i am desperate to get married ?) What have you done beta ? XYZ has done his diploma from Ramkrishna society for the dyslexic....he is working as a computer hardware repair man... Aunty, I have done my engg from the IIT's and am planning to do my MBA from the IIM. Oooh that is so gr8 ...u did u engg in computers, right ? XYZ also has done his diploma in computers. Now a days its sooo imp for couples to be from the same field,isnt it ? (grins at PYT - she finally got the pronounciation right this time) PYT has totally lost her senses by now, and excuses herself coz she needs to stop herself from fainting !!! Then there are all the rituals going around. The swami (or so he is called - and u seriously wonderwhy on earth they call him that....his unshaven beard, blood shot eyes, dhoti that was washed in the last century make him look like a criminal just escaped from Tihar jail) is holding the mic, screaming out something , am sure even he has no idea of what exactly he is reciting.He tries to be fast with the "shlokas" as possible, before someone realizes that he isnt saying -" pati devo bhava..." instead, he is saying "paise devoo bhava..."They make some 25 million women put the kumkum on the bride, until they have managed to make the bride look like she is the victim of a hit and run accident !!! (most of the cases, the bride actually is the victim , she has no clue what had hit her until she hears the screaming and screeching of a baby in her arms!!!!)
Erstwhile, you can not ignore the fat, round, bald uncles of the fat, round, silk sari clad auntieswho are filling their plates like they were told the world was coming to an end tomorrow. They mustbe the happiest souls in that god forsaken place..they dont care whats going around them , dont want to know where all the people around them are running - even if it means they are running out coz there is a fire at the place !! They have bigger priorities in life -- like finishing all the food on their plate !! These uncles whom you overhear telling little kiddies "stay away from too much ice cream, u will have cavities.." need to stuff every inch of the empty space in their bodies with free ice cream !!! If they had an option, they would have stuffed the void up in their head also with free food !!!!
Then you simply can not ignore the band ! Aaaah the band waala's....they play as if their guru was the devil himself. They were taught to slap the drums like they were the cheeks of an enemy, and to blow the trumpet like they were blowing their noses !!!
Additions coming up ......
posted by Lost gal at 4:53 AM
1 comments
